Eyes in the night
Pierce through my soul
Shining so bright
Cover my windows
To keep them out
When the wind blows
I hear them shout
There are no words
Only silent screams
They cut like swords
Into my dreams
WhisperThe end of my silence
Is drawing near
I know that we
Have nothing to fear
The sun will shine
With its glorious light
But look around
It’s still the night
The dark that surrounds
Is but a veil
Making us blind
I chose to see again
And now my eyes are free
I’ll whisper in your ear
What I wish you could see
There’s a world of color
Hiding in the night
The choice must be yours
To reclaim your sight
It’s not easy
I know that to be true
But for the darkness
The only cure is you
My words are soft
But they’ll never fade
If only I could see
The difference they made
I've read the past too many times
But at last I see the silver lining
It was a message to me now
Of what it’s like to be dying
To my past
I owe so much
It opened my eyes
With its subtle touch
And now I stand
Again at the start
But this time
I carry another’s heart
Shards of GlassMy heart’s been broken
More times than I can count
But I've only just begun
To understand why
I still don’t know
If it’s me or them
Maybe I’m not clear
Maybe they just don’t care
Maybe they just don’t want me
And never really cared how I felt
Maybe that’s why they left
And never looked back
Maybe I cared too much
Showed too much too soon
Maybe they were afraid of the shards of glass
From the last time I was broken
When I let them inside
They see the scars that killed my heart
But when they leave I force myself to heal
So no one else can break my seal
Endless CycleThe endless cycle of my nightmare
Loops one last time
I just watch with an empty stare
As my soul commits the crime
My soul let go
And my heart ran free
I had no way to know
What it would bring to me
Inside I hold more pain
Than I’ll ever show
But if there’s nothing to gain
Then you’ll never know
The words they say
Are stuck on repeat
If I choose to play
I will know defeat
You Were WrongAt last I’m free
From her misery
It took me this long
To find what was wrong
I realized who my true friends are
You were merely just a scar
You’re only just a stain
That every day brings me pain
I suppose I should thank you
You showed me what not to do
You showed me how to be a bitch
You left my heart and soul in a ditch
To say I didn't consider the same
Would simply bring me shame
But I knew all along
That what you did was simply wrong
Every day I took another dose
I wasn't addicted but it was close
The drug that was your abuse
Made me feel that I had a use
But your final hit that was your kiss
Woke me from my ignorant bliss
I knew this was how it would end
With me alone and you with a friend
So the river
From my dream
The one thing
That stays behind
I know a feeling
Of a different kind
One so strong
But still so caring
To relieve the stress
Of the weight I’m bearing
I’d give my life
To keep you here
Just know that I
Will always care
You are the star
That gave me light
I live no more
In the darkest night
My sole desire
Is to be with you
You don’t even know
What you've pulled me through
You are the flame
That sets alight the dawn
No fire can match your grace
If ever you are gone
SilhouetteThere truly is
Nothing I hate more
Than the stare in the mirror
It’s the only one
That sees the demons
That lie beneath my skin
Am I the only one
That can see the decay
Tearing me limb from limb
It eats through my skin
Like I’m drowning in acid
But no one notices
No one gives a damn
I’m just a silhouette
Cast as an extra
Not a single person
Would miss the shadows
To which I have been confined
Though my body keeps moving
I left my soul far behind
As it tried to pick up the pieces
Of my shattered heart
RaindropsWhat does a raindrop
Know of the ocean?
It knows only
That it is a part
Of something greater
It will never be noticed
Never be recognized for its origin
But without each raindrop
Would be no more
The raindrop continues
On its journey
From the heavens
Down to earth
When it at last
Meets with the ocean
It is not
Is where it belongs
And it has arrived
It has come home
ReleaseI feel it fading
It’s all leaving
Pleasure and pain
Pours out my vein
Every time I hear your name
I know my life is not the same
I thought I’d never move on
But I've changed now that you’re gone
I wanted nothing but your hand
All I found was a mirage of sand
You left me here rotting alone
This is where I turned to stone
You left my heart without a care
You left me with a longing stare
You may as well have left me dead
But what remains is but a thread
My mirror’s stuck on repeat
My heart at last refuses to beat
My pulse has left, replaced with peace
At last I feel my mind’s release
acrimonyi have spent too long loving you
like a store shutting down, slashing my prices,
hoping there’s something here you might
want to buy before i go under.
this is not your fault. i was told that loving
desperately and wholly was light years
better than loving practically, but you
have spent four years loving me like i am a siege
and you are worried that your fortress’s walls
are not high enough. i think i mean
that you love me cautious; you love me
most nights i waste hours not looking at my phone
and trying to remind myself how much i am
worth without you by my side. the numbers
never add up. maybe this is because
you have never been constant enough to be an equation.
look here, i have it on good authority
that universes exist in my skin and stars have died
so that i could live. stars have died and i have
survived and you will not be the one to make me wish
my soul was nothing but a black hole.
i can’t shake the thought that you are my novel and
i am y
He Wore My Makeup AgainAt least it wasn't a dress this time,
but I know that my boyfriend
has something to hide.
When I'm not looking, he takes my purse,
uses my make up to cover the hurts.
Dabs his fingers into my foundation,
taps it on his face, with hands
as skilled as a physician.
The brush he rubs down the angles of his cheek.
He should be thankful that he's
the same complexion as me.
I've never seen him with a bare face,
whenever he's with me,
the make up will stay.
At least he hasn't used my lipstick
yet, I don't know how I would
feel about him adorned in red.
And my eye shadow, he seems to leave alone,
it seems he uses my make up,
just for an even tone.
Perhaps he'll progress to using the rest,
and then I suppose then, he'll start
wearing a dress.
I guess it's slow, this painful transition.
I just want him to say it,
he's already got my attention.
I get it he's a cross dresser, he has to be right?
Isn't that what men who want to
be women describe themselves like?
I think I'll confront him about his f
GayI am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your co worker
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
her beautiful words
and telling her to
keep it down,
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
AlcoholicYour tux is the color
of a coal miner’s face
after a long, hard day of work-
something you’ve never
had to experience
yet you talk as though
you’re just as worn out;
your trivial chit-chat
is turning syrupy with every sip,
although your sentences
aren’t getting any sweeter
you grab another glass
of the effervescent liquid,
hoping the sea of people
will turn to black coal,
and it will be dark enough
for you to fall asleep
as you walk tipsily to the bathroom,
the overpaid opera singer
belts her last high note- a bit too high;
your crystal glass shatters
into a thousand pieces
And with it, you shatter too.
It Was Never You...It really wasn't...
And I know that I can twist this truth as much as I want...
Whenever I'm sober, when I know I can put up that fake plastic smile;
Just a few formal words that burn like acid from a liar's lips!
"Differences in personality, a divergence in ideals..."
Please, fucking, SPARE ME!
Because when I look in this mirror, I know.
When I see myself looking back at me, I know.
Right here, right in front of my own blackened self;
Those eyes that both reflect and stare into my dingy soul.
I was the problem.
I was the instigator.
I was the perpetrator.
And when I had broken every last bit of her,
I was the one, who let it all fall to pieces.
So please, you don't have to feel sorry for me,
I am a bastard and I've got a very special place in hell waiting for me...
- Word of Chen, Darkest Hour, 16th February 2015
things to take to college1. between the two of us, we have eaten miles
of pavement, we have spent months pressing
the same four wheels into the ground.
whenever you need to, follow those tracks again.
they will lead you back home.
2. there are songs i only figured out how to sing
with you beside me. even now, the words
sound awkward in my throat.
the notes are wrong. i’m not sure what makes
something sacred, but words like that
i only know how to sing with a quiet
reverence i can’t seem to find anymore.
3. i am good at writing poems that convince
people to stay. i don’t know how to write
a poem to someone that i know is going to leave
no matter what i say.
4. you have faith in spades. and i’m not talking about
god. i’m talking about that tangible faith in
humanity, the faith that always makes you
ask me how my day was, even if the answer
is always the same.
5. to be truthful, i don’t want you to stay.
some people are made for the great unknown.
6. we have watched more sunset
Soldier BoyOne day he came home,
A man given freedom.
He looked in the mirror,
And liked what he saw...
The days wore on,
And he lived his life.
Morning PT was a distant memory,
So too were the shouts of a Sergeant.
Training came thrice at first,
Then twice, then once,
The days wore on...
And life became harder,
Sacrifices were made.
He looked in the mirror one day,
And didn't like what he saw.
Not the pot-bellied man working for a few scraps.
Nor the slovenly fellow who'd forgotten how to clean his kit.
He earned his freedom, but he had lost what he respected...
And the days wore on...
And so he went out running, one fateful day,
His lungs burning with every breath.
Yet despite the pain inside his chest,
He resolved the soldier, would return to his best.
"You've been gone a long time Corporal Chen, what say we go once more around
-Word of Chen, One-shot, 24 February
I won't cryyou can ask me how I am.
that's okay I won't cry
I don't know how I am, I can't correctly describe it.
Other than to say there's a constant ache in my chest
and a tightness in my throat,
with swelled up emotions sitting somewhere at the back of my eyes.
You should be careful what you say
but then I can't even explain what triggers these feelings
so say what you like,I'll just react in which ever way,
cos I have no controll now.
The way I feel everyday, has become so familiar to me,
since I lost him.
Sometimes it's so hard to bear,
the constant ache in my chest threatens to crush me
It's hard to breath.
The tightness im my throat burns,
I want to wail out loud my inarticulate utterances of grief
and release all my pent up emotions.
But don't worry you can ask me how I am.
It's okay, I won't cry.
Written by Suzanne karbach
21st may 2015